Thursday, August 21, 2014

The Song Remains The Same

MONDAY was 9 months since my surgery. The movement on the scale has slowed way day, due in part to sitting on my tired teacher butt all summer. (Minus any commuting or bowling.)I went back to work Monday and I am glad to be moving around more, being both mentally and physically more busy.

Here is the thing, my clothing continues to get smaller in size. I bought a pair of Loft slacks when I was In Seattle at the end of July and didn't quite fit and they did the morning. I know my plan is still working. I'm in a size 16 Lane Bryant jeans today. Comfortably.  These two pic are from 8/10.

Today at work one of my 11th graders was taken aback by my appearance. "Ms. T. you look so..." He simply stepped forward and hugged me, the gesture saying it all. I told him I knew that I had more visibly lost a lot of weight since the end of the school year. (It is easier to explain than saying the numbers aren't changing but the weight is.) Another student he was with asked what I had been doing and I told them that I had weight loss surgery in the fall and I am still losing weight. I asked if they remembered how heavy I was in the fall to which the big who hugged me replied, "You were not that heavy." (I love kids.)

So where is all the anxiety coming from Meredith? Fear of failing or not doing well enough.  I was supposed to go to my 9th month appointment Wednesday but there was a SNAFU so I didn't go.  I have to say, I felt relief.  I worry so much that I am not doing well enough.  That I should be going faster, losing more, getting closer to "onederland".  I have been floating around the same 5 pounds for most of the last 4 weeks...but the weight shifts and changes.  I can see it on friends faces when they seem me after a period of time.  Anywhere from 6 weeks to a few months.  Rationally, I know I am doing just fine.  I know I need to trust the clothing and not the scale but it is hard.

1 comment: